August 02, 2021

Careless by Kirsty Capes

Carless is the story of fifteen-year-old Bess, who we first meet in a kebab shop, in Shepperton, with a positive pregnancy test in hand. Boy, the father is a nineteen-year-old Tesco’s worker who she meets when he crashes a stolen car into the side of a church before steeling her bike and fleeing. Bess is also in the UK care system. And even though she is in a long care placement, her relationship with her foster mum is on a rocky path. At the heart of this story is Bess’s journey navigating whether she herself is ready to care for someone. Kirsty Capes focus on bringing the care system into fiction, mixed with some British dry wit, and set amongst the back drop of 1999, make for an outstanding debut.

Narratives about children in care aren’t easy to come by, and it is likely the only other novel familiar to you is Tracy Beaker by Jacqueline Wilson. Capes is a care leaver herself, and has recently completed her PhD in female centric care narratives in contemporary fiction, supervised by the brilliant Bernardine Evaristo. Like Bess, Capes was also taken into the care system at the age of two in Shepperton where she had one short-term placement and then one long term, until leaving the care system at twenty-three. It is Capes’ hope that this book will challenge the stigma of being in care and help to dismantle the ideas portrayed in the media that a background in the care system is only used when needed to reason with an audience as to why a character is now a bad person. Capes in an interview with Grazia puts it perfectly ‘For me, it was just so important to tell this very human, very real story, and to be as truthful to that as possible. And to help people understand that people who have grown up in care are not defined by what happened to them.’

This is very much a coming of age story, not only for Bess, but for her best friend Eshal as her own story runs parallel to Bess’s in this novel. Their unconditional friendship is very much the heart-warming center of this story, and Eshal remains as Bess’s constant throughout in a novel littered with questionable adults.

Written through Bess’s eyes, this book easily evokes memories of teenage angst and first love. As it is told from the perspective of a fifteen year old it does make the writing easily digestible, but the contents do cover heavier topics such as female autonomy, post natal depression, consent, abortion, drugs and alcohol. That being said, this book almost feels like it could cross over into YA ficiton for an elder teen. I must add I think it’s strongly important that you always vet adult fiction yourself before passing it on, and never apply blanket rules as to what is appropriate for an age bracket. However, I am a big believer in books being a safe, non graphic way, for young adults to learn and there is the potential for this book to cover some topics that a young adult has already been confronted with.

And even though there may be a teen pregnancy central to this storyline, don’t mistake this book to be pushing any political agenda, from either side of the abortion debate. Instead it follows Bess as she makes the choice for herself. And at no point could I predict what choice she was going to make.

One thing is clear and that is that the care system is clearly broken, and not only in the UK, but here in Aotearoa as Oranga Tamariki continues to make regular head lines here. Which is exactly why we need authors like Capes, who through highlighting this in fiction is providing a narrative for these children to feel heard and seen. Even more positive is that Careless is now set to reach a wider audience as the TV/Film rights for this novel have already been sold.

Just incase you weren’t aware, I loved this book, and am grateful for every person who joined me in reading this July. And so you can now get on and hopefully read it yourself, I will end this review, but not without another quote from Capes given in an interview for thebookseller.com: “Care-experienced people are statistically more likely to die of unnatural causes like suicide, more likely to have mental health problems... There are statistical disadvantages you have just because you’ve been through the care system. But that narrative gets reinforced in TV and all kinds of media, and the only representation young children in care see of themselves is a very negative stereotype that gets reinforced again and again. It’s really important to have stories about the care experience that are positive.”

Grab your copy here

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The jury in Johnny Depp’s defamation trial heard audio recordings of Depp and Amber Heard talking about a
fight in which she admits to hitting him and
where he claims she kicked the bathroom
door against his head.

The recordings appear to have been taken by Depp, who earlier talked
about making a habit of it.

It was the first time the trial had heard Heard’s voice – she is
due to testify later in the case.

In one clip Heard tells Depp: ‘I didn’t punch you. I’m sorry I didn’t hit you across the
face in a proper slap. I was hitting you, it was not punching you.’

Depp says: ’Don’t tell what it feels like to be punched.’

Heard replies: ’You’ve been in a lot of fights, you’ve been around a long time.

You didn’t get punched. You got hit. I’m sorry I hit you like this, I
didn’t punch you. I did not fu**ing deck you. I fu**ing was
hitting you. I don’t know what the motion of my actual hand
was. You’re fine. I did not hurt you, I did not punch you, I was hitting
you.
I’m not sitting here bit**ing about.

’You’re a fu**ng baby,’ Heard said.

Shouting, Heard continues: ’You are such a baby!

Grow the f**k up Johnny’.

When Depp says it was a physical fight, Heard says: ‘I did start a physical fight.’

Depp replies: ‘I got the f**k out of there’.

With bitter sarcasm, Heard said: ‘You are admirable.’

The jury in Johnny Depp’s defamation trial heard audio recordings
of Depp and Amber Heard talking about a fight in which she admits to hitting him and where he claims she kicked the bathroom door against his head

The recordings appear to have been taken by Depp, who earlier talked about making a habit of it.

It was the first time the trial had heard Heard’s voice – she is due to testify later in the case

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In one clip Heard tells Depp: ‘I didn’t punch you.

I’m sorry I didn’t hit you across the face in a proper slap.
I was hitting you, it was not punching you’

Johnny Depp demonstrates how he claims he shielded
himself from an alleged attack by his ex-wife Amber Heard, as he testifies during
the trial

Heard replies: ’You’ve been in a lot of fights, you’ve been around a
long time.

You didn’t get punched. You got hit. I’m sorry I hit you like this, I didn’t punch
you. I did not fu**ing deck you. I fu**ing was hitting you.
I don’t know what the motion of my actual hand was.
You’re fine. I did not hurt you, I did not punch you, I was hitting you.

I’m not sitting here bit**ing about’

The court heard another recording of Depp and Heard in which she called him a ‘f****** piece of sh*t.’

She says: ‘Why don’t you go f*** yourself.

Go suck your own d***. Stingy old piece of s***.’

Referencing Depp’s son Jack, Heard sarcastically says: ‘I hope to God Jack’s stepfather teaches them more about being a man because you’re so good at it.’

BATHROOM DOOR INCIDENT

Depp can be heard talking about Heard ‘kicking the bathroom door and hitting me in the
skull.’

Heard replies: ‘I was upset I was on an Ambien, there was a lot going on.’

In another section of the recording Depp talks about how in the Australia incident he went to ‘at least five bathrooms and two bedrooms.’

An angry Heard responds: ‘You escape the solution. We cannot work it out
if you run away to the bathroom!’

Depp says: ‘A boxer can’t go 12 rounds without
a break.’

In a later part of the argument, Depp complained
that Heard had thrown ‘f**king pots at me.’

Heard said: ’That’s different, just because I’ve thrown pots and pans
does not mean you come and knocking on the door.’

Depp replies: ‘You seem to think there’s this cowardice in me.’

On the stand Depp said: ’What was just played was very much
the tone and the aggression and the attitude and
the need for a fight from Miss Heard.

I don’t know if that was some need for attention. That was the sound that I’d gotten very used to, the squabbling,
the raising of the voice to excommunicate anything I had to say about the
situation.’

Recounting the argument which preceded the audio recordings,
Depp said that it happened in the penthouse
in Los Angeles that he lived in with Heard.

He said: ‘She came banging on the door, I didn’t answer.

I was in the shower, I didn’t want to deal with any more of that sarcastic demeaning aggressive
violent toxic spew.

‘She kept banging, I finally got out of the shower, I opened the bathroom door about that much (shows small space with hands)
so I could have a good hold on the door in case she tried to burst in.
I was right, she did.
She was pushing all her weight on the door trying to get in and I was pushing back,
I didn’t want to let her in.

‘When it was almost closed she yelped in pain and screamed ’’ow my toes!’’,
so in that second I thought possibly her foot had gotten caught under the door.

I thought she was injured so I knelt down to have a look. When I
knelt down on my hands and knees to look at her foot, she kicked
the bathroom door into my head.

‘I was completely taken aback by such a corrosive, horrific move
so I stood up.
By this point the door was open and I stood up and said:
’’What the f**k was that?‘’ Next move was bang, she clocked me in the
jaw.’

BROKEN NOSE INCIDENT

Recounting another incident, Depp stood up and acted out a physical encounter where she claimed he broke her nose.

He said: ’I was going into my office.

She just started throwing wild punches at the back of my
head, the side of my head. Anything she could connect
with. I tried to avoid the attack.’

At this point Depp stood up and acted the scene out.

He said: ‘I walked across the mezzanine, as I’m approaching
the door suddenly I’m just getting clobbered from behind.

Primal instinct is to duck and cover. I came up protecting my face
but there are arms swinging wildly. I put my arms
up and was able to get her into a bear hug just to stop her from hitting me anymore.’

At that point Heard accused Depp of headbutting her and said: ‘Way to
go Johnny, you broke my nose.’

Depp denied making a headbutt and said it was only
‘accidental contact.’

Depp claimed that Heard showed him a bloody tissue but when he checked it in the
trash he ‘realized it was nail polish.’

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ISLAND INCIDENT

While on Depp’s island in the Bahamas in December 2015 with
his daughter Lily-Rose, Depp claimed that Heard threw a can at his head.

He said: ’The argument escalated and she simply
reached down and grabbed the can of mineral spirits and chucked it at
my face.

It struck me right at the bridge of the nose, the forehead,
bridge of the nose. It hurt’

AMBER’S 30th BIRTHDAY

Depp arrived at the dinner at Heard’s penthouse nearly two hours late after a meeting with his accountants which revealed the state of his finances,
which he called a ‘shock.’

Depp said: ‘Quite an inordinate sum of money had been withdrawn, it had disappeared and after having worked 30 something years
in the industry I was shocked at where I was to learn where I was financially.’

Depp said that some of his houses might have to be sold due to the state of
his accounts.

During the dinner Depp was ‘cold’ towards her but when she tried to argue with him later
on he just got into bed.

He said: ’Miss Heard entered the bedroom while
I was laying on my side of the bed reading.

She was still rattling off all the wrongs I’d done to her on that particular day, how unreliable I
am, what a horrible person I was.

‘I did not engage verbally, nothing. She didn’t get a jolt
of me, she got out of bed, walked around the bed, you’ve got a person who is
throwing multiple shots at your face, at your head at your neck, anything she
could hit.

‘I got up out of bed, grabbed her by the shoulders, sat her
down on the bed and I said I’m leaving, please don’t try and stop me.

I’m leaving. And she got up off the bed and she squared off at me
in the doorway of our bedroom.

’I said what do you want to do, hit me again? I said go ahead, hit
me. Bam (motions being hit). Would you like another.

Bam. There’s a second.
Good, now you’re done. Grabbed her by the shoulders, walked her to the
bed, said don’t follow me, I’m leaving.’

Depp walked out and went to his other house – it was 4.30am.

POOP IN THE BED

Depp said that he planned to go back and pick up some
of his belongings while Heard was away for a few days but his security guard Sean Bett told
him not to.

He said: ’I received some news that was as absurd and grotesque and cruel.

I was shown a picture of what the problem was.

‘(Bett) showed me a photograph on his phone.’

With a laugh Depp said: ‘It was a photograph of our bed and on my side
of the bed was human fecal matter, so I understood why
it wasn’t a good time to go down there.

’My initial response to that was, I mean I laughed.

It was so outside, it was so bizarre and so grotesque that
I could only laugh, so I did not go down there that day.’

Depp told how on May 21, 2016, the last time he saw Heard before
the divorce, she brought up the ‘fecal matter’.

He said: ‘She tried to blame it on the dogs.
The dogs are Yorkies, they weigh about 4lbs each. The photograph that I saw – I lived with those dogs
for many years and so did Hilda Vargas, she’s a woman who’s been with me for 30+
years, she was the one who photographed it. She knew the dogs as well as I did and knew
that did not come from a dog.’

FINAL MEETING – MAY 21, 2016

Depp claimed that Heard made up claims that Johnny hit her.

‘I was walking towards the kitchen to exit and then suddenly (Heard’s friend) Rocky Pennington ran into
the penthouse and started yelling, leave her alone Johnny.

’I was by the refrigerator, I was 20ft away.

She was still sitting on the couch. That’s when the screaming started.

’I’m 20ft away. She’s got Rocky there. ‘’Stop hitting me Johnny, she’s (Heard) screaming in her best
freaked out, upset voice. Stop hitting me.’

Depp’s security team Jerry Judge and Sean Bett entered the room, Depp said.

‘(Heard) said that’s the last time you’ll ever hit me,
the last time you’ll ever do that to me.

’I’m a good 20ft away.’

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fight for change

Johnny Depp detailed the explosive fight he and Amber Heard had in March 2015
in Australia where the top of his finger was severed when Heard allegedly threw a bottle of vodka at him

Depp said that after Heard filed for a domestic violence restraining order in May 2016 he had to tell his children about
the story.

He said: ’I had to alert them that there might be some
ugly things coming out that were most assuredly going
to put me in the position of some violent drug addled alcoholic.

Just reprobate. And I wanted to warn them before they were approached
with the People magazine cover in school by other kids.
I wanted to be able to explain to them that this was going to be visible and it’s going to be everywhere and I apologized to them that this
was happening’.

Depp said that among those who comforted him were members of his band The Hollywood Vampires as he was
on tour in Europe with them when the divorce was filed.

Among those who helped him get through it was rocker Alice Cooper and Joe Perry from Aerosmith despite their hard living
reputations.

Depp said: ‘To say it was unfair is about the largest understatement,
it’s the smallest understatement.

It controlled my every waking second from the moment I woke up
until the moment I dropped, even on the road, playing shows.
You’d go out and play for an hour and a half and do your best to get through
that. I remember finishing the show, getting on the bus and just going to the back of the bus
and you had to get it out.
I sat in the back of the bus and cried and hid it from people

‘I was bereft of any, you just don’t know what to say any more.
I tried not to talk about it very much’.

Depp told the court that Heard breached their divorce agreement when she said that she would be paying her $7m settlement with
the ACLU and the Children’s Hospital Los Angeles – she was not supposed to disclose where the money
was going.

When Depp responded by sending the first of the settlement payments straight to both
organizations, Heard ‘went into a tirade about how
I should be charged double the $7m, I should be charge $14m because she thought I was looking for a tax break’.

Describing the effect of the allegations, Depp said it cost him ‘nothing less than everything’.

He said: Because when the allegations were made, were rapidly circling the globe, telling people I was a drunken cocaine fueled menace who beat
women suddenly in my 50s, it’s over.

You’re done.

‘No matter the outcome of this trial, the second
the allegations were made against me, the second more and more of these
things metastasized and turned into fodder for the media, once that happened I
lost then. There’s to say, I lost because that is not a thing that anyone is going to just.

I will live with that for the rest of my life.

I lost then, no matter the outcome of this trial, I’ll carry
it for the rest of my days.

It never had to be that way, it never had to happen and I don’t quite understand why it did in the way that it did.

Heard’s lawyer briefly began Depp’s cross examination before the day ended which began cordially but swiftly turned hostile.

Rottenborn put it to Depp that other than mentioning the fact of abuse allegations, the article ’doesn’t contain any details of your time together?’

Depp said: ‘I think it’s very easy to write a piece and put the finger
on someone without saying their name.

There are sneaky ways of writing things’.

Depp said that the ACLU ‘clearly describe Miss Heard’ before Rottenborn asked that
his comments be struck, and the judge agreed.

Depp said: ‘Sorry, it’s evidence’

Rottenborn asked the same question again, asking
this time for a ‘simple yes or no’

Depp said: ’You’d like it to be.

Nothing’s simple in this case’.

Depp was shown an article which came out two months before Heard’s op-ed
piece stating that Disney was not going to be playing
Jack Sparrow on the next Pirates film.

In his testimony Depp claimed that Heard’s article got him fired from the franchise.

Depp said: ‘I wasn’t aware of that but it doesn’t surprise me
given two years had gone by of constant worldwide talk about me being this wife beater.

I’m sure Disney was trying to cut ties to be safe. The MeToo movement was in full
swing at that point’

Depp detailed the explosive fight he and Amber Heard had
in March 2015 in Australia where the top of his finger was severed when Heard allegedly threw a bottle of vodka at
him

Depp detailed the explosive fight he and Heard had in March 2015 in Australia where the top of
his finger was severed when Heard allegedly threw a bottle of vodka
at him.

The couple were in Australia while Depp was filming the fifth Pirates of the
Caribbean film. Heard claims that he chopped off his fingertip with a knife during the argument, and her team has called it a
‘three day hostage situation’ where Depp was repeatedly violent.

However Depp took the stand Wednesday and told the court that Heard was angry at him after she met with his lawyers to discuss a post nuptial
agreement.

Heard had claimed that one of the lawyers laughed at her – he later discovered that was not true.

Depp said: ’All I could do was try to calm her down and say I was not out to screw her over or put her in a position that was uncomfortable.

It did not work, it escalated and turned into madness, chaos, violence.’

‘She was irate, she was possessed. When I tried to remove myself as I normally would, as she’s
hammering me with brutal words. Pardon my language but I remember that it wasn’t nice..

Sort of being called an a** kisser to lawyers or a
pu**y that didn’t fight for her or stand up for her. I tried to remove myself from the situation but to no avail.

‘The house they’d rented for me in Australia was quite a large place.

I think I ended up locking myself in at least nine bedrooms, bathrooms that day as she was banging
on the doors and streaming obscenities and wanting to have a physical
altercation.’

Depp described how Heard walked away after he locked himself in one room and then he walked downstairs to the
rec room where there was a pool table and a bar.

He said: ’I went behind the bar, I grabbed a bottle of vodka, and a shot glass and sat
at the bar and I poured myself two or three stiff shots of vodka, first taste of alcohol in a long time.

‘When she came down to the bar and found me there started
screaming you’re drinking again, the monster and all that.’

‘She walked up to me and reached and grabbed the bottle of vodka and stood back and hurled
it at me’, Depp said, motioning the act of throwing.

Moving his hand past his head, he said: ’It just went right past my head and smashed behind
me.

’I stood up and walked behind the bar and there was a larger
bottle of vodka, the kind with the handle.
I grabbed that and sat in my seat, opened the bottle and poured
myself a shot and drank it

’Miss Heard was flinging insults left right and center.

She grabbed that bottle and threw that at me.’ Depp said he used the bench in front of him to
show the jury where the bar was situated and leaned back in his chair.

He said: ‘I was leaning like this in the chair. First bottle went,
got the other bottle, shot.
Takes second bottle. I’m in this position again. My hand is on the edge of the bar like that, leaning over.

‘She threw the large bottle and it made contact and shattered everywhere and I honestly didn’t feel the pain at first at all, I felt
no pain.’

‘She threw the large bottle and it made contact and shattered everywhere and I honestly didn’t feel the pain at first at all, I felt
no pain,’ Depp said

’What I felt was heat and I felt as if something were dripping down my hand and then I looked down and realized that the tip of my finger had been severed.

I was looking directly at my bone sticking out,’ Depp said

’The meaty portion of the inside of your finger.

Blood was just pouring out and at that point I think I went into some sort of, I
don’t know what a nervous breakdown feels like but that’s probably the closest I’ve been. Nothing made sense.
I knew in my mind and in my heart this is not life.
This is not life. No one should have to go through this,’ Depp said

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’What I felt was heat and I felt as if something were dripping down my hand and then I looked
down and realized that the tip of my finger had been severed.
I was looking directly at my bone sticking out.

’The meaty portion of the inside of your finger.

Blood was just pouring out and at that point I think I went into some sort of, I don’t
know what a nervous breakdown feels like but that’s probably the closest I’ve been. Nothing made sense.
I knew in my mind and in my heart this is not life.
This is not life.
No one should have to go through this.

‘This feeling of being in the middle of some
sort of nervous breakdown I started to write with my own blood on the walls, little reminders from our past that essentially represented
lies she had told me, lies I had caught her in.’

Looking at a picture of himself on a stretcher, Depp said, ’That’s me in the emergency room. I see a
detail I’d forgotten.

‘Miss Heard had taken my cigarette from the ashtray and stubbed it out on my face.’

Asked which finger it was, Depp held up his right middle finger and said: ’It’s the funny looking one.’

Showing it to the jury, he said: ‘You can see from the
initial wound all these bones were crushed, it looked.’

Depp said that while Depp was injured Heard
yelled ‘white noise in a very high frequency’ at him,
adding: ‘I was in shock.’

Depp was taken to the emergency room where he lied to the doctors and said
he smashed the finger in some accordion doors because he ’didn’t want to get Miss Heard in trouble’

Depp was shown a photo of the finger taken in the
hospital which he said was ‘the remains of my finger’.

Putting his prescription sunglasses on, he looked at a photo of himself lying on a stretcher in hospital.

He said: ‘I see a detail I’d forgotten. Miss Heard had taken my cigarette from
the ashtray and stubbed it out on my face.’

Johnny Depp was back on the stand Wednesday to continue
his testimony about how his relationship with ex-wife Amber Heard
deteriorated

The 58-year-old told the jury in his $100million defamation trial that
he stayed with Heard despite the alleged abuse because he feared she would attempt suicide like his mother did when his father left her

‘Miss Heard had taken my cigarette from the ashtray and stubbed it out
on my face,’ Depp said on the stand Wednesday

Depp with parents Betty Sue Palmer and John Christopher Depp
and then-girlfriend Vanessa Paradis when he received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1999